at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
