My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He uses pillows to masturbate.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
