she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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