dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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