I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
