try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
