Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you will always have a special place in my vag
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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