She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
