hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
