dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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