Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize