you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
