Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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