I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
