I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
