do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
