Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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