Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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