I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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