When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
