If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
