new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
