your room smells of hookers.
And success
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
