I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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