:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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