I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
