fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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