Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
