Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
