you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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