Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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