he wants to bone in the snuggie
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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