I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
