Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
