Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
