either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
