How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
