Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
