wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
40s are totally the cure
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
