i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
