well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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