We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
