Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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