The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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