I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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