Umm I'm too high to move.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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