On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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