I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
