i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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