this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize