Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize