I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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