someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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