you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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