You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
