Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
