you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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