I only kidnapped one of them. chill
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
