We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
