i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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