i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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