I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
