I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There r osticjed everywhere
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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