Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I didn't notice because vodka
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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