Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize