I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
