best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
