And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
