he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize