your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
